The Best Sort Of Accident

“You messaged me out of the blue.
I wasn’t looking for anyone,
In fact I was too busy running from someone else,
But I slowed down enough to reply
“Hey.”
You slowly became my good morning text,
My drunken phone call,
My tearful FaceTime when work had wrung me out like a dirty tea towel,
And you were there,
Always.”

Big Brother <3

I wish i could paint pictures with the words you speak to me and show you the beautiful mural that lives on my memories, a soft glow of positivity given life by your voice and burns like the sun. When my mind fades to black you turn the light on and i know this life isn’t always fun for you either and you wish you could hug me all through the night but the thing about battles is that they are easier to fight when you have someone. I’ll be your sidekick the red to your green the robin to your bats, and we’ll make it out sometime. Some people aren’t born related by blood they happen to find each other when god hurts them enough and he tosses them together and leaves it up to them to make a connection. You mean more to me then a few strands of DNA and blood could say your the family I choose and trust to stay, your the one that if you need me well i’ll come running. So when the night threatens those eyes that shine when you smile look back on the days that made you laugh look at these words that will live forever in the future and the past give or take a few years i’ll be a room down the hall or the house down the block. Till then take pleasure in what few older brother’s have and thats called privacy because once i’m there with you, there wont be any way to get rid of me. ❤

You Can’t Catch Me Now

I figured out that joy isn’t in your arms. And though you left me with an empty heart and a bloody hole where it used to be. I took the time i had to get to know me. And you stayed still frozen in time you haven’t changed a bit since i saw you last and you look at me and you see a woman on the move, i’ve grown since you left and the gods honest truth baby the biggest act of love you ever did for me was breaking my heart that summer day.

You bashed my heart upon the rocks and I bled like a murder victim, if you never said anything I doubt i’d have come this far. I’ve lost some weight but gained some confidence, learned to see i’m better then you in every way. And whats hysterical is you can’t seem to take your eyes off me.

You’ll be trapped here in our small home town behind that deli counter for god knows how long and I’ll keep moving on and go places you never dreamt of going. Your occupied by day dreams and i’m off living each dream we spoke of, and you think a sip of alcohol is all there is too living well I have news for you sweet love of mine. You haven’t even scratched the surface you haven’t even began to see the world out there.

So tell your friends i’m crazy you only feel like saying that now because you can’t have me. My girlfriend’s better then yours, she’s loyal and true, atleast she grew up giving a damn about life, about love about me. I’ll watch you fade to black and white and you can watch me living in technicolor, next time you’ll reach for me baby you wont be able to reach because I’ll be on the next plane outta town. Destination everywhere.

I Long For You

I miss you
The same way
The sun misses the earth
When the moon comes out to play
I long for you
The same way the wolf
Longs for the moon
When the sun rises
Perhaps the wolf
Loves the moon
Because its a lover
She can’t reach,

But despite the pain
I long to bathe
In your radiance
And dance to the music
Of your voice

Time and distance
Can’t heal everything
My ebony goddess
In my eyes your like the stars
So beautiful but much to far
For me to reach

And though the wolf howls
In the black of night
Though the wolf cries for the moon
The moon refuses to shine
Only deaf ears hear the howls
Of the lone wolf’s song

Until the day comes
When the moon shines bright
The wolf shall run in the darkness
Of the night

And if the light should ever return
To my eyes
I’ll wait for you my lady
beneath the starry skies.

My Best Friend’s Acceptance

When its four in the morning and your spastically crawling around your bedroom the overhead light blaring into your eyes as you clean your room as if cleaning could erase your anxieties. You have a huge trashbag in your hand and your hands are shaking your fighting exhaustion but the voice in your head tells you that you think you wont be okay if you dont finish cleaning no- you know you wont be okay and suddenly everything that isn’t done yet is a tragedy. So like a crazy person you pace the floor sorting laundry and picking up trash that accumulated from late work nights of not caring and collapsing into bed and the simplest of triggers remind you of someone. You pick up a ticket stub from when you saw the Hobbit last weekend with Karolina and your thrown back into a series of memories during your whirlwind trip in new york city. Suddenly you remember how you woke up in the middle of the night and the first thought in your mind was when you left the apartment to come back to jersey you’d forget something important so you start to pack and clean and your pacing in the dark. She woke up slowly and looked at you instantly your mind explodes with fears this is a side of you she hasn’t truly seen before and your worried your best friend will call you a freak. Instead she yawns and smiles a bit “Come back to bed honey” and its in her gentle normal words, no confrontation no accusation no search for explanation that suddenly calms the raging storm. Your shoulders sag with exhaustion and you climb back into bed. It was the way she treated you how she always did that made you relax, because at home if your caught obsessively cleaning or sorting things your looked at as a freak your told off usually there is raised voices. And if you try to talk to someone about it they just tell you to let it go but no you yearn for acceptance when it comes to your compulsions. She fell back to sleep next to you and something inside felt good, in that simple show of acceptance you realized maybe you weren’t so freaky after all.

Blank Spaces

If we closed the distance and we spoke the words we felt, lay in the dark together talking about heaven and hell. After one too many glasses of wine i’d find your lips you’d find mine. Lets fall into the darkness baby together we can escape. Ragged breaths and clothes falling to the floor, i’m biting your lips and you say you want more. We are young and we are reckless for a change we’ll play the game. And as the new sun rises we’ll drink coffee and talk about dreams, go for walks on freshly fallen snow, such simple things I know. 

Cold nights follow sun soaked days, we’ll lie by the fire doing our own things, and then you’ll catch my eyes on you, the look you realize like a predator to pray and we wont care whats wrong or right we’ll keep playing the same old game. 

But fear is power above all, i’ve known you for so long, we’ve seen each other at our worst we could work this could be perfect. Theres blank spaces between my fingers where yours should be, theres a place in my bed where I imagine you lying next to me. I don’t know what were doing but if we closed the distance, we could do impossible things. 

I’ve got a Blank Space baby, and i hope i’ll write your name. 

For Her I Am Unworthy

She is a never ending pirouette  no matter how fast I turn I can’t keep up with her. Running as fast as I can, I pursue my dancer but she evades me. I remember the day I met her she was all vinegar and spite but like soothing a cat I stroked her fur just right, and soon not a single day passed without a word shared between us two. The beginning for us was innocent for me and you. 

I chase her through the trees my ebony goddess, her dress of forest green like a cape as she dances from my grasp. The first time I saw you I had to stop and remind myself not to stare, you were so perfect in every way. Your laugh was better in person and the way your fingers curled around mine when I held your hand was like locking every thing i ever felt into place. 

I’m so close to catching her as my fingers graze her warm skin, a flutter of hope thrills my heart and the sun begins to shine. Over the summer when we kissed, leaning against my car startled both by our actions and how good it felt. I remember the way you melted into me. Your lips were soft, explorative and craving you tasted like the meal we shared and secrets hidden in the rain. 

Clouds darken the sun and the warmth of my dancer’s skin evades my touch, through the trees I watch her run into the warm arms of another girl. Someone far more deserving, but why does the beast crave the beauty? Because we love the things we cannot have. I’ll live on in memories of kisses and cold movie theaters in laughter and planned out scenes, in the end why would you miss a crucible with a butterfly kiss.