I’m so tired today it hurts, I ache with that soul deep exhaustion that seems to have no end. Just as quickly as Ryan walked into my life he was gone, leaving behind him the ache that exists when he leaves his place in my heart. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I hear his voice, My heart skips a beat when he texts, and I can’t help but beam happily when he says ‘I love you’. Everyone says he is on his way back to me, his actions and words seem to everyone, say it all. He told me the two rings he had given me, my promise rings from him that I had returned to him the day he left still sit in his car and he sees them every day. I find myself wondering if that picture his mother put of us in the family room, is it still there? Are the gifts i’d given him still scattered about his room? I miss the way his room smelt, like his cologne and that scent that seemed so unique to his body. 

I miss lying in his bed watching him take care of our reptiles, I miss holding our dragons while he cleaned there tanks, cuddling them and kissing there noses enjoying time with such unique creatures. I miss how his house felt like home and his bedroom was our secret place. I miss how loud everything was, my life is so quiet now…

I know he isn’t gone for good I know theres a good chance i may get him back i just have to be good enough. I’m scared more then anything that I wont be good enough though, that I’ll lose him forever. When half your soul resides with someone else how do you watch them walk away? 

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